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Posted at: Mar 14, 2018, 12:47 AM; last updated: Mar 14, 2018, 12:47 AM (IST)SMART STRATEGY

Talk yourself to success

Talk yourself to success
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Jappreet Sethi

The world sees you through your eyes, the way you treat yourself is the way the world will treat you. In case you see yourself as a failure or an object of pity, the world will drown more of it on you. In case you believe you are good and successful, the world will tend to agree with you. Our behaviours are shaped by the way we see ourselves.  

Negative self-thoughts, or being overly critical of oneself, will unnecessarily drain you of energy. Most people who walk by a mirror stop to tell themselves how they look and often it is not good enough — they are too fat, skinny, tall, or short. This is a great way to reaffirm your goodness to yourself.

You can guide your team members to enhance their skill in valuing themselves by improving their self- talk. Done well, this is not a simple or quick process, but it can be transformative.

The process begins with investigating what they are telling themselves, and once this awareness is well established, beginning to alter the messages until the preferred messages occur that correspond with the preferred behavior as the habitual way of thinking. There are two primary parts to this intervention:

Deep diving into facts

Much of the value of this exercise is based in accurate and comprehensive fact gathering. That means paying attention to and accurately hearing those messages that are often so habitual they are virtually hidden. It also means finding out what triggers the message and how often it’s likely to come up.

Guide your team members to become aware of how the message is communicated. Ask: “What is the tempo (or tonality or emotional texture) behind the words?” Say your team member, Dominique, is concerned that he’s doing a poor job of presenting himself at work. He reports that he always berates himself whenever he leaves his boss’s office because he didn’t express himself well.

Ask that every day for the next week he notices what he tells himself every time he leaves his boss’s office. He should write quick notes about it as soon as possible and bring the notes to the next coaching session with you. Give him a note card to fill out such as:

As I walked out the door I said to myself: _____________

My tonality was ___________

Tell Dominique not to take long notes unless he has the time or wants to come back and add separate notes in the last section. The purpose of the last rule is that if he thinks he has to be really comprehensive, there’s a good shot he won’t take the notes. It will just be one more incomplete task and it will further erode his confidence. When he comes in with a week’s worth of data, you are likely to have some solid evidence to work with.

Embed the new thought

Now work with him to identify the message he would like to give himself. Coach him to develop a simple affirmative statement that supports his sense that he can appreciate himself now, while also building his skills to do even better.

The first step in doing better while conversing with the boss is by starting to believe that he can do it. Help him practice how it sounds and feels when he changes his self-message. Ask him what emotions come up when he says the new message. By doing this, you’re helping him build his emotional self-awareness as well as self-respect.

— The writer is an HR & Strategy consultant and authors www.humanresourcesblog.in

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